You are not a bad writer. Editing is painful for everyone. It is painful for me, it is painful for you, it is painful for every writer you’ve ever liked or admired.
Your writing is not shit. Your drafts are a deluge of ideas and enthusiasm. They are messy, incomplete things full of your wildest potential. They are supposed to be messy. I want you to look at it and think ‘this may not look good right now, but it doesn’t mean I’m not good. It’s a work in progress.’
Your ideas are worth writing. You had a reason to write these things. They’re important to you. They’re important enough to edit, even if it’s hard. Your ideas are important. Your ideas are worth the effort.